Escaping shadow of death: One epitaph from my old life seasons!

I just couldn't believe what he said.

"Huh! What did you say?" I reacted immediately.

'WTH are you saying dad?' thoughts raged. I suppressed.

"I mean, I want to be sure I heard it right. What did you just say?" I repeated to cool down myself having learnt such questioning style from my US clients.

"Well. I said that this'd be devastating for any men. But since you are a child of God & you have great faith in Him, getting over this shouldn't be a big deal for you!" he repeated slowly.

"Hmm... Hmm...," I responded weakly.

Dad took a break from  our conversation to attend to something.

I waited to hear more. Something more. But he seemed to have gone back to his routine.

I waited to catch him again in our one-to-one conversation spot, which was our balcony right in front of the  entrance to our home.

We mused over several things at that spot for 7 years already.

Other family members & tenants in that building will pass us while going into or outside their homes.

'Just a Dad & Son idling over and idly looking at the passers-by,' many may think. But this is where Dad-Son exchanged thoughts on life matters.

This is also where Son practiced his looking at beautiful girls among the passers-by with Dad on his side & without Dad noticing his act; thus, he thought.

I caught Dad finally at the same spot.

I expected him to say something more on the same topic we were discussing earlier.

I had updated him everything that happened from beginning to the end, EXCEPT 3 facts:

(1) I had resigned from following any of my regular habits for over a month.

(2) I had picked up new habits, which no sane person in this world will approve.

(3) I had a failed attempt at suicide in the previous one month.

I didn't share these 3 facts as it would hurt him deeply.  He loved me. I loved him.

I desperately needed to hear more than his so simplistic, so all-encompassing,

'This is indeed sad & indeed a so devastating experience for any men. But not a big deal for you, because you are a child of God & you have faith in him'.

'Dad, say more,' I screamed within.

'WTH is God is what I am crying out inside and I am just not able to connect with your words.' I screamed within again.

Dad continued his tidbits, but on totally unrelated topics. 30 mins elapsed into our balcony conversation.

No signs of him touching or even coming close to my life-or-death event that just happened a month back.

'Alright, Dad. I'll also pretend that your last words on the topic is sufficient and good enough' I said within.

I lost the last hope of hearing anything more from him again on that topic.

'I am a Child of God,' I said within & again began praying & reading Scripture. I was in my 20s.

Later, much later, I learnt what I underwent was critical depression & some father-murder instinct behaviours of slowly killing myself.

Also, there are few more schools of thought that offers explanation to that old season of my life. I mean, an old version of my life.

What do you think about having a sense of our core identity?

I escaped from the shadow of death just by holding onto the rope thrown by God through my Dad's words, "I am a Child of God" identity. This identity gave me a fresh hope for a new life season.

What is your core identity? And, how do you validate your core identity?

(Pic courtesy: One dead tooth being shown by my excited kid! I joined-in the excitement! Took a pic! Pointed to the new tooth coming out! She rejoiced over new tooth! Asked to bury the old in our trash can! She buried happily!)