Towards what purpose & end should a husband love his wife?
Here is the concluding para extract from my long love email I sent a month before our marriage, 17 years back.
I sent this long love email upon hearing about her non-stop vomiting syndrome from her parents.
They were worried that day.
She had gone to office. 2 times on her way to office she had stopped. 1st time she stopped her Chennai MTC bus to vomit. And, her subsequent auto rickshaw to vomit 2nd time. Yeah, Chennai MTC doesn't stop to wait for us the moment we get down for vomiting.
Her parents didn't know what triggered her vomiting that day. I knew the cause was her intense anxiety due to my rude words over phone the previous day. I felt sorry. I liked her even more.
I prayed for her and drafted a long love email. Sent her. She read. Copying only the concluding para here:
"...More importantly, I love you with Christ's love that demands that I never react in a way toward you that would jeopardize our prospects of entering heaven, which is the supreme objective of both our lives. And I pray that Lord himself will make my love and affection perfect and eternal.
Also, once we start interacting, I know for sure that I would appreciate the depth and stability of your character, become acquainted with the nuances of your personality, and grow in love; I am confident of developing that lifelong love for you, dina dear.
Remember: If God be for us, who can be against us (Romans 8:31)."
This was during a month before our marriage. Rest is history. 17 years have passed.☺.
On this 2020 Valentine's day, I'd like to answer both my questions I posted to many groups last week.
Q: Towards what purpose & end should a husband love his wife?
Updated Q: Towards what purpose & end Christ loves his church?
To recap & summarize the received answers:
All brothers in all groups responded with silence.
Some sisters responded:
"Christ died for her church anna.. limit less sacrifice.. must be your love for ur wife. Live like Jesus Christ and love like Jesus Christ anna"
" If there's "a purpose & end" to love a wife, it becomes 'conditional' love, which is no love at all."
"Husbands finding it difficult to love wife or loving wife to 'keep' God's command, should ask themselves, For what do I love my mother, father, children?"
" Becoz He(Jesus) loves her(his Church)🙂"
"Of course, it's unfathomable why He (Jesus) still loves us, why He still loves the church, why He still didn't give up on us. The book of Hosea is just a glance of Christ's pure love, love for love's sake."
Coming back to the questions & my answer to the questions:
First of all, sorry, dear Sisters. My apologies. I cannot love my wife like Christ loved & loves his church because I have not yet become like Christ. God is not finished with me and I am God's work in progress. Same should probably be the case with your husbands as well.
But, looking at holy spirit's record in the holy scripture say about Christ's purpose & end of his love:
" ...to make her holy,
cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and
to present her to himself as a radiant church,
without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish,
but holy and blameless"... Eph 5:26,27
When Christ talks to our father God about us, he offers his life blood as the substitutionary punishment for our weaknesses & sins & evils as moral justice of our father God, who in turn forgives us our past dirty works & weak works for God and loves us. Affirming his love, he also gifts us his Spirit to replicate the ressurection life of Jesus in us.
When Christ talks to us, he talks plainly, directly, openly, & transparently.
An example, as recorded by Holy Spirit:
I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.
So be earnest and repent." Revelation 3:17-19
Thus, Christ's goal of his love is to make his church holy & blameless.
I coach my brothers to talk to their wives like the above ONLY if they've received assurances from God that they've already become Christ ☺.
“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.”
For “you were like sheep going astray,”
but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls." 1 Peter 2:23-25
"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." 1 Peter 3:7
All dear Husbands, Christ is our head and we are accountable to Christ. We need to get over the striving of our flesh to maintain a good image of our self to our wife.
Perception management skills do not last longer in reality. If we are not aligned with Christ, our life be taken captive by circumstances to fully serve our employer's ambitions, our parents' ambitions, our wife's ambitions, or our own ambitions. Such journey will take us towards unfruitfulness, frustrations, and our breaking point.
Also, we got to remember daily that all of our wife's weaknesses, faults, insecurities, & shortcomings got to be owned by us, like ours & managed by us in discussion with God at his throne of grace.
Moment husbands try to partner or share with anybody else, even HER own Mom, in order to coach his wife to align to his expectations, that husband operates OUTSIDE of the grace of God in those moments and exposes his marriage to devil & demons.
Life in Christ means wanting our wife to be loyal & serve Christ's ambitions, which is obedience to principles of God; and NOT obedience to our ambitions / passions / expectations.
Obedience to principles of God alone matures her humanity.
Change & transformation of her is done by our Christ in her under the prerequisite of our loving thoughts, words, & actions towards her like how we love ourself.
Some may see 'prerequisite' as a strong word, but unless we submit ourself to the authority of Christ, we really have no love of God in our heart and really have no authority of Christ in our life. And, all our prayers 'in the name of Jesus Christ' is meaningLESS.
Expecting wife's obedience to our passions and our expectations damages her humanity.
Her conviction and strength to accept us her head joyfully grows only in her growing and maturing in God's principles over time.
Husbands got to wait patiently with the strength from our head, Christ, and treat our wife gently, respectfully, & honourfully.
This is how we lead our wife towards holiness as well as put our self towards the cross of Christ and thus we continually receive the resurrection life of Jesus to grow in us.
All our frustrations and change suggestions for her must be spoken to our Lord in our prayers.
And, trust that, our Lord, the king of our universe, will do the needful in his time. Time delay often means that our Lord is keen for us to listen carefully to what his spirit is telling us.
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Let your gentleness be evident to all.
The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7
Here is another critical principle I coach my unmarried brothers: If you are dependent on your parents or siblings on your financial life and or your emotional life, please do NOT get into marriage for God's sake.
Really! 1st let us stand on our feet as a real man before striving to get a life partner for us.
Life-long marriage is only for a man who intends & learns to receive justice, joy, & peace from God.
The one who receives justice, joy, & peace from their works, their smartness, their experience, & their wisdom is well-abled and really do NOT need a life-long partner.
I sent this long love email upon hearing about her non-stop vomiting syndrome from her parents.
They were worried that day.
She had gone to office. 2 times on her way to office she had stopped. 1st time she stopped her Chennai MTC bus to vomit. And, her subsequent auto rickshaw to vomit 2nd time. Yeah, Chennai MTC doesn't stop to wait for us the moment we get down for vomiting.
Her parents didn't know what triggered her vomiting that day. I knew the cause was her intense anxiety due to my rude words over phone the previous day. I felt sorry. I liked her even more.
I prayed for her and drafted a long love email. Sent her. She read. Copying only the concluding para here:
"...More importantly, I love you with Christ's love that demands that I never react in a way toward you that would jeopardize our prospects of entering heaven, which is the supreme objective of both our lives. And I pray that Lord himself will make my love and affection perfect and eternal.
Also, once we start interacting, I know for sure that I would appreciate the depth and stability of your character, become acquainted with the nuances of your personality, and grow in love; I am confident of developing that lifelong love for you, dina dear.
Remember: If God be for us, who can be against us (Romans 8:31)."
This was during a month before our marriage. Rest is history. 17 years have passed.☺.
On this 2020 Valentine's day, I'd like to answer both my questions I posted to many groups last week.
Q: Towards what purpose & end should a husband love his wife?
Updated Q: Towards what purpose & end Christ loves his church?
To recap & summarize the received answers:
All brothers in all groups responded with silence.
Some sisters responded:
"Christ died for her church anna.. limit less sacrifice.. must be your love for ur wife. Live like Jesus Christ and love like Jesus Christ anna"
" If there's "a purpose & end" to love a wife, it becomes 'conditional' love, which is no love at all."
"Husbands finding it difficult to love wife or loving wife to 'keep' God's command, should ask themselves, For what do I love my mother, father, children?"
" Becoz He(Jesus) loves her(his Church)🙂"
"Of course, it's unfathomable why He (Jesus) still loves us, why He still loves the church, why He still didn't give up on us. The book of Hosea is just a glance of Christ's pure love, love for love's sake."
Coming back to the questions & my answer to the questions:
First of all, sorry, dear Sisters. My apologies. I cannot love my wife like Christ loved & loves his church because I have not yet become like Christ. God is not finished with me and I am God's work in progress. Same should probably be the case with your husbands as well.
But, looking at holy spirit's record in the holy scripture say about Christ's purpose & end of his love:
" ...to make her holy,
cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and
to present her to himself as a radiant church,
without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish,
but holy and blameless"... Eph 5:26,27
When Christ talks to our father God about us, he offers his life blood as the substitutionary punishment for our weaknesses & sins & evils as moral justice of our father God, who in turn forgives us our past dirty works & weak works for God and loves us. Affirming his love, he also gifts us his Spirit to replicate the ressurection life of Jesus in us.
When Christ talks to us, he talks plainly, directly, openly, & transparently.
An example, as recorded by Holy Spirit:
" You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’
But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.
I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.
Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline.
So be earnest and repent." Revelation 3:17-19
Thus, Christ's goal of his love is to make his church holy & blameless.
I coach my brothers to talk to their wives like the above ONLY if they've received assurances from God that they've already become Christ ☺.
Meanwhile, let's just follow apostle Peter's words, which I have been practicing for 17+ years so far by God's grace:
"When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
"When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.”
For “you were like sheep going astray,”
but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls." 1 Peter 2:23-25
"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." 1 Peter 3:7
All dear Husbands, Christ is our head and we are accountable to Christ. We need to get over the striving of our flesh to maintain a good image of our self to our wife.
Perception management skills do not last longer in reality. If we are not aligned with Christ, our life be taken captive by circumstances to fully serve our employer's ambitions, our parents' ambitions, our wife's ambitions, or our own ambitions. Such journey will take us towards unfruitfulness, frustrations, and our breaking point.
Also, we got to remember daily that all of our wife's weaknesses, faults, insecurities, & shortcomings got to be owned by us, like ours & managed by us in discussion with God at his throne of grace.
Moment husbands try to partner or share with anybody else, even HER own Mom, in order to coach his wife to align to his expectations, that husband operates OUTSIDE of the grace of God in those moments and exposes his marriage to devil & demons.
Life in Christ means wanting our wife to be loyal & serve Christ's ambitions, which is obedience to principles of God; and NOT obedience to our ambitions / passions / expectations.
Obedience to principles of God alone matures her humanity.
Change & transformation of her is done by our Christ in her under the prerequisite of our loving thoughts, words, & actions towards her like how we love ourself.
Some may see 'prerequisite' as a strong word, but unless we submit ourself to the authority of Christ, we really have no love of God in our heart and really have no authority of Christ in our life. And, all our prayers 'in the name of Jesus Christ' is meaningLESS.
Expecting wife's obedience to our passions and our expectations damages her humanity.
Her conviction and strength to accept us her head joyfully grows only in her growing and maturing in God's principles over time.
Husbands got to wait patiently with the strength from our head, Christ, and treat our wife gently, respectfully, & honourfully.
This is how we lead our wife towards holiness as well as put our self towards the cross of Christ and thus we continually receive the resurrection life of Jesus to grow in us.
All our frustrations and change suggestions for her must be spoken to our Lord in our prayers.
And, trust that, our Lord, the king of our universe, will do the needful in his time. Time delay often means that our Lord is keen for us to listen carefully to what his spirit is telling us.
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Let your gentleness be evident to all.
The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7
Here is another critical principle I coach my unmarried brothers: If you are dependent on your parents or siblings on your financial life and or your emotional life, please do NOT get into marriage for God's sake.
Really! 1st let us stand on our feet as a real man before striving to get a life partner for us.
Life-long marriage is only for a man who intends & learns to receive justice, joy, & peace from God.
The one who receives justice, joy, & peace from their works, their smartness, their experience, & their wisdom is well-abled and really do NOT need a life-long partner.
Comments
Post a Comment