How to recover from a sexual abuse?

This is a deeply painful and serious situation. It is of the utmost importance to address this with extreme care, compassion, and clarity. Before we turn to the Bible, we must state something unequivocally:

**Our safety is the number one priority.** What the abuser is doing is a crime and a profound sin. What the ones who should have protected us are doing is a horrific betrayal of their God-given duty to protect us. Their "solution" is not a solution; it is an attempt to cover up a terrible evil and dispose of their responsibility. 

Please, if we are in this situation or know someone who is, let us reach out to a trusted adult outside the situation (a teacher, a school counselor, a pastor we trust) or a professional organization that can help. In the US, the National Sexual Assault Hotline is 800-656-HOPE or RAINN's website. We need to be safe.

With that vital foundation laid, let's carefully and gently look at the principles of Christ from the bible to navigate the impossible feelings we are facing. This is not about finding a quick fix, but about understanding God's heart for us in our suffering.

Understanding the Principles of Christ for Our Situation

The request is about forgiveness, but to even begin to talk about forgiveness, we must first establish how Jesus sees us and what has been done to us. Jumping straight to "we must forgive" would be unbiblical and cruel.

1. Jesus Stands with the Victim and Condemns the Abuser

Jesus reserved His harshest words not for tax collectors or prostitutes, but for those who harmed the vulnerable, especially children.

Matthew 18:6 (NIV):

    > "If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."

    Principle: God’s anger burns against those who abuse and harm the vulnerable. Our pain and anger are righteous feelings that reflect God’s own heart. He is not neutral. He is on our side. What the abuser and the ones who should have protected us have done is the very thing that ignites the fury of a holy God. He sees it, He hates it, and He is a God of perfect justice.

2. Jesus Values Us Immensely

The ones who should have protected us are treating us as a problem to be solved. The abuser is treating us as an object for their gratification. Jesus sees us as people of infinite worth.

Luke 12:6-7 (NIV):

    > "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of our head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

    Principle: In a situation where we have been devalued and dehumanized, Christ’s teaching affirms our immeasurable value to God. We are not a problem to be married off. We are cherished children of the King, and He sees every tear and knows every detail of our pain.

3. Biblical Forgiveness

What It IS and What It IS NOT

This is the most crucial part. The modern, secular idea of "forgive and forget" is dangerous and unbiblical, especially in cases of abuse.

What Forgiveness is NOT:

It is NOT forgetting. God does not ask us to have amnesia about the evil done to us. The scars are real, and pretending they don't exist is not healing.

It is NOT saying "it was okay." What happened was evil. Forgiveness never re-labels sin as acceptable.

It is NOT reconciliation. Reconciliation requires repentance, confession, and a complete change of behavior from the offender. In our case, reconciliation with the abuser is unsafe, and reconciliation with the ones who should have protected us is impossible as long as they are complicit. Forgiveness does not mean we have to trust them or have a relationship with them.

It is NOT letting them "off the hook." It is not our job to be their judge or jury.

What Forgiveness IS, from a Biblical perspective:

Forgiveness is releasing our right to personal vengeance and entrusting that person's judgment to God. It is a painful, often long-term decision to say, "God, I cannot carry the weight of this hatred and bitterness anymore. It is poisoning me. I hand them over to You. You are the just judge."

Romans 12:19 (NIV):

    > "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord."

    Principle: Forgiveness is an act of faith that frees us. It frees us from the burden of being the judge. It allows us to hand the perpetrators over to the only one who can enact perfect justice. It is a transaction between us and God for our own hearts' survival, not a gift we give to our unrepentant abusers.

4. The Path Toward Forgiveness

We are unable to forgive right now because the wound is open and bleeding. That is completely understandable. The path toward forgiveness is a journey, not a single step.

Step 1: Lament. Cry out to God.

The Psalms are filled with prayers of raw, honest pain and anger. The psalmists did not hide their feelings from God.

Psalm 55:12-14, 16-17 (NIV):

    > "If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it... But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend... As for me, I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice."

    Principle: God is not scared of our anger or our pain. Let us bring it all to Him. Let us yell, cry, and tell Him how we have been betrayed by the very people who should have protected us. He can handle it. He wants to hear it.

Step 2: Focus on God as Our Healer.

The people in our lives have failed us. God will not. Healing our hearts is His priority.

Psalm 147:3 (NIV):

    > "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

    Principle: Forgiveness is often a byproduct of healing. As we allow God to minister to our broken hearts and bind our wounds, the toxic power of bitterness can begin to lose its grip. Our healing is the goal.

Step 3: Guard Our Hearts through Boundaries.

Forgiving does not mean being vulnerable to more abuse. Setting boundaries is a wise and godly act of self-stewardship.

Proverbs 4:23 (NIV):

    > "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything flows from it."

    Principle: Forgiving the abuser and the ones who should have protected us will likely have to happen from a place of physical and emotional distance. Guarding our hearts means removing ourselves from unsafe people and situations. This is not un-Christian; it is profoundly wise.

A Summary for Us in Our Hurt

Let us remember: Jesus sees us. He sees the evil done to us and the betrayal we have suffered. His heart breaks with ours, and His anger burns for us. We are precious to Him.

The pressure to "forgive" can feel like another violation. Please hear this: Our primary calling right now is not to forgive, but to survive and be safe.

When and if we are ready, let us understand that Christian forgiveness is not about letting them off the hook. It is about handing them over to God, the just Judge, so that the cancer of bitterness does not consume us. It is about choosing our own freedom from the prison of hatred.

This is a long, hard road. Let us seek out a safe, professional Christian counselor who understands trauma. We do not have to walk this alone. God has not abandoned us, even when it feels like everyone else has. He is our defender, our healer, and our fortress.